Guide Romance
Worried a parent is in a romance scam? How to spot it and start the conversation
Warning signs that a parent's online relationship is a romance scam, and calm, practical ways to talk about it without shame or arguments.
By New2h Help Editorial Team Reviewed by New2h Help Editorial Team
Published
Maybe your mother has started mentioning a new friend she met online. Maybe your father is suddenly secretive about his phone, or asks to borrow money for reasons that do not quite add up. If you are worried that a parent is caught up in a romance scam, you are not alone — and how you raise it matters almost as much as what you say.
Why romance scams work so well
Romance scammers are patient. The Federal Trade Commission describes how they may chat several times a day to build a relationship before any request for money appears. By the time it does, the relationship feels real, and the attention can be genuinely comforting.
The losses are large. In 2025, people 60 and older reported about $584 million in losses from confidence and romance scams to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center — and many victims never report at all.
Good morning, my love. I dreamed about you again. Only 3 more weeks on this platform and then I can finally hold you.
There is a problem with my contract payment and my bank account here is frozen. I need $2,400 for the customs fee to release my equipment. I will pay you back the day I land. Please don’t tell your children yet, they won’t understand us.
Warning signs to watch for
The FTC lists several patterns that show up again and again:
- The person cannot meet in person — they live abroad, work on an oil rig, are in the military or work for an international organization.
- They move the conversation off the dating site to email, texts or another messaging app.
- They talk about love very quickly and make plans for the future.
- A money request appears: medical bills, a plane ticket, visa or customs fees, or help getting out of trouble.
- They offer to help with investing, often in cryptocurrency. Social Security’s scam page warns that scammers build friendships or romances over time before offering to help trade or invest money.
- They want payment by wire, gift card, money transfer app or cryptocurrency — methods that are hard to trace and nearly impossible to reverse.
How to start the conversation
Choose a calm moment. Avoid raising it in front of others or in the middle of an argument.
Lead with interest, not suspicion. “Tell me about him. How did you meet?” lets your parent share without feeling judged. Listen for the warning signs above.
Avoid the word “stupid” — and anything like it. Shame makes people hide things. Remind your parent that these scams are run by professional criminals who fool people of every age and education level.
Suggest checking together. The FTC recommends a reverse image search of the person’s photos; if the same pictures appear under other names, that is a strong sign of a scam. Searching the person’s claimed job together with the word “scammer” can also turn up stories that sound very familiar.
Agree on one rule. The FTC’s advice is simple and easy to remember: never send money or gifts to someone you have not met in person.
If money has already been sent
Contact the bank or the company used to send the money as soon as possible, explain that it was a scam and ask for a refund. Report the profile to the dating site or app, and report the scam at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. Be especially careful afterward: people who have lost money are often contacted by “recovery” scammers. Our guide on the first hour after a scam explains what to do next.
Red flags: how to spot this scam
- The new love interest lives or works far away — overseas, on an oil rig, in the military — and always has a reason they cannot meet in person.
- They quickly move the conversation off the dating site or app and message many times a day.
- They ask for money for an emergency, travel, fees or medical bills, or offer to teach your parent how to invest in cryptocurrency.
- They want payment by wire transfer, gift cards, a money transfer app or cryptocurrency, and ask your parent to keep the relationship secret.
What to do
- Start with curiosity, not accusations: ask about the person and listen.
- Suggest checking together — a reverse image search of their photos, or searching their job title plus the word "scammer."
- Agree on one simple rule: never send money or gifts to someone you have not met in person.
- If money was sent, contact the bank or payment company right away and ask for a refund.
- Report the profile to the dating site or app, and report the scam at ReportFraud.ftc.gov and IC3.gov.
Send this to someone you love
A quick share can stop a scam before it starts.
Where to report it
Reporting helps investigators spot patterns and warn others — even if you did not lose money. Type these addresses yourself or use the links below; do not use links from a suspicious message.
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Federal Trade Commission (FTC)
Any scam, fraud or bad business practice — calls, texts, emails, websites and impostors.
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FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3)
Online and computer-related fraud, including tech-support, romance, investment and crypto scams.
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National Elder Fraud Hotline (U.S. Department of Justice)
Free help for people 60 and older: case managers help you report and plan next steps. Mon–Fri, 10 a.m.–6 p.m. Eastern.
You can also report to your state attorney general. If you sent money, call your bank or card company right away using the number on the back of your card.
Frequently asked questions
How common are romance scams among older adults?
Very common. In its 2025 annual report, the FBI's IC3 said people 60 and older filed 10,188 complaints about confidence and romance scams, reporting losses of about $584 million.
What if the person sent my parent money first?
The FTC's rule still applies, no matter the story: never send money or gifts to a sweetheart you have not met in person.
My parent is angry and refuses to believe it's a scam. What now?
Keep the door open. Stay calm, avoid blaming, and keep checking in. Suggest a small test, like asking the person for a live video call. If your parent is 60 or older, the National Elder Fraud Hotline (1-833-372-8311) can talk with them.
Sources
We rely on official government sources. Read how we check facts in our editorial policy.
- FTC: What To Know About Romance Scams (consumer.ftc.gov, accessed )
- FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center: 2025 IC3 Annual Report (Elder Fraud section) (ic3.gov, accessed )
- Social Security Administration: Protect Yourself from Scams (ssa.gov, accessed )
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